HeartfuleEdge

I think this is the first time ever I hardly get sleeps in a trip, normally wasn't that bad. By the time of day 3, my energy should worn out and I should be able to sleep dead. I had consecutive 3 days of sleepless nights. Every night got different drama different noises. Is so tiring and comes to today, my mind and body is like in the limbo state. I day dream a lot. Well well, shouldn't have been so negative. Restart please! Have a wonderful cheerful day 😁

My very first out station business trip by myself is rather scaryyy - thats an invader in my room. Scared me off. I can't handle invader 😖 I was initially super excited coming for the workshop, thought that it was in the island and hoping to have char koey teow. After confirmation only realized that the venue is somewhere deep inside like jungle/forest kind of place. Kinda disappointed didnt able to get good food every night. This is a small town mainly with malay population. Before that we couldn't even locate a better hotel, mainly are home stay and the one Im staying now is the best among all. I told myself must be grateful for getting the best hote here. After checked in, one of the participants came along told me that was bugs inside her room. Mine seems okay, except just feeling some flies or bugs maybe surrounded my legs. When I wanted to wash up, and their so called toiletries just a shampoo bottle, 2 soaps and a shower cap, thats all. I called them up and they have me to go out to 7-11 to buy as they dont supply toothbrush as toiletries. Okay is fine. What I'm totally not fine is when I couldn't sleep well maybe due to new environment, plus there is family staying on the same floor who have kid kept crying. I think I have insomnia. I woke up and wanted to take my phone. I saw a black patch on the floor, my first instinct is to see if the patch is moving. I feel something not right and I wore my spec immediately and checked again. Omg! The creature that I scared the most was there 😵😭😭 I wanted to run and feel so helpless. The first thing I did is to call the reception and asked for help! Luckily immediately they sent someone here to catch it. I was really scared and now I totally can't sleep. Too scared for any invader here again. Hopefully I can manage to get some sleep. Tomorrow is the first day of the workshop and I have to be energetic at least on the first day. How wish is 6 ish in the morning now, at least I can quickly freshen up and go down for breakfast early to end my nightmare. Pray hard nothing else appear and gimme some good sleep pleaseeeee 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Started my day with a not so good mood. It really does affect the rest of the day now, whatever things happened Im unhappy and they so called kuat complaint. Not satisfied with things happened. Is like totally screwed up. Losing my patience. Breath breath and chill and relax~ I gonna restart my system and turn my day to be better one! 

First time taking bus from here to mv. Bus stop here is just a sign without shade. Too hot~ and when I approached,  the bus left much earlier. Gotta wait here for at least 15 minutes for the next bus to arrive. Fighting~As far as my experience with MRT feeder bus, their maximum waiting time is still 15 minutes. Hopefully they can keep up with this good timing. Finally some air con hahaha

Is raining at this hour and I couldn't sleep after waking up. A lot of things running in mind. Maybe I should just get off the bed and call myself an early riser instead, as an side effect of insomnia. Ha ha ha ha ha

been so tired lately. Couldnt sleep well and having serious back pain and body aching. Feeling so unproductive recently. My body slow down. Not sure how people cope for it. Definitely got people can do it, and I can do it as well. 

In the second phase now, gotta go through the protocol and decide what parameter to do. Feeling like phD already, but yea, ultimately I wanna turn it into my phD project. But I have not got a good supervisor. Whenever I have any obstacle, and I feel like to run away from that, ever since that incident, I told myself die die gotta face it. When you face it, and it will not be your obstacle anymore. I just gotta read extra more like the first phase, and make up my mind on the parameter to use as well as identify the right item to buy. Then get quotation, compare pricing and make an order. It sounds easy than said. The hardest part is to make sure the right parameter and items to purchase. Else once wrong, everything goes down. Money is not easy to just spend, need a justification if I got the wrong item. I dont want to waste the money as research funding nowadays is very very limited. 
I can definitely do it! Overcome this one and then proceed to my less than 3 weeks deadline for my revision paper. I can't wait when I managed to answer and justify all the questions from the examiner, and I can have another paper publish!!! Another milestone to be achieved. Again, is not easy to do it but my passion is burning and eagle to make them publish!!! 
Who am I? I am like a tardigrade that will never die!

窗外阴天了 人是无聊了 我的心开始想你了

It has been raining and cloudy day for a week, good and bad. Today woke up with a super cloudy day and the sky is dark (even at this hour now), it started to rain after a while. Guess today feel like keeping warm and with simple breakfast - rolled oat. First time to sit in living with 27C air con and still feel the cold weather. Normally raining day make things all become slower, luckily my mood is still cool. Still working on my projects to get things done. Nothing more, just wanna write a bit. 
Posted a quote yesterday and today gotta remind myself the same spirit:
My goal in life right now is to be genuinely, extremely, intensely happy, regardless what it looks like to others. 

What the hell~ I blogged half way and all gone! Again! Im thinking switching this platform. ZzzzzzzzzzzWasting all my time and effort. Now feel like screwing the blog! 

It started again. Seems like I'm really trapped. I think I'm emotionally unstable. Traumatic life passed on to phobia life and turned traumatic again. Maybe my heart can strengthen due to daily phobia. I think I'm suffered from katsaridaphobia. Everyday sure got at least one awaiting at home to fear me. Dont know how long i can stand it. I seriously wanna get rid of it please. After today's incident, it makes me think a lot - negative things. I'm always harsh to myself in life. Maybe I'm really struggling to have my own business. To have an easier life with financially independent, so i can do whatever that i want to do. When you are younger, your family programmed you to believe what they think is successful and then when you grow up, the world portrait what they think is successful. Lets face it, if is not influenced by them, what do you think you want to do? There is an article and testing people on what they really want. A question is ask and make you think deeply: if the world have got no one, no one controlling you, no one say or think bout you, nothing, the world is belongs to you and what do you really want to do?