HeartfuleEdge

At the end of the day, when you are dying, how will you see yourself choosing your current life? To be a statue or to be a goner?

Wrote a big chunk and all gone. Now is all gone. 

I dont wanna settle for it. What else I can do on the toughest road that I decided to pick up. Im confused. Inconsolable 🤖 

It has been raining and cloudy for the past few weeks, for all year long sunny season, these few weeks are like a bonus to run away from the high UV index. This weather make me think even more than what I usually did. Another cross road, another dilemma, another improtant decision to make for another stage of life.

Been telling people around that I wanna dedicate myself in medical for the human mankind at least before I die. Standing in front of the 2 paths: current career with high paid (of course came with extreme hard work) and back to life of a scientist continue chasing my dream. After months of dilemma since September, I think i sort of made my decision to go after my dream with half of my current paid. Honestly not too low as expected but can't live a comfortable life like now, give and take, thats what I told myself. Before that was struggling to hit target and told myself a little bit more, the year end is coming soon. Finally here comes December, I eventually got lazier *LOL*. I had been asking myself, is that really what you want? Is it okay to really go after dream all the way? Am I silly? 

Suddenly a call and recalled my urge to prepare for my next stage of life. Tired of chasing every month with reset sales target. Deep down still feel like wanted to continue to where I have left, well, of course with a new start. Hopefully everything goes well, i can officially register for the next semester. Proposal to the company, give my best shot and achieve what I want with this stepping stone! 
Lotsa things running back in my mind, feeling so sentimental while driving home. Wake me up when September ends. 

Alright! This is how it gonna start to boost up my happyness 
 
  1. Thanks to Dr Arifah nurse, Santhi, she gimme the tips that I should update doctor on the latest treatments or technologies regarding to stem cells. If doctor do agree and whenever patients ask her for opinion and she would said yes. Andddd it will helps to boost up my sales! 2. Im so grateful that my friend bought me lunch and dinner3. Grateful that i have a thoughtful colleague who know that im always stress and always remind me to release my stress or not to stress myself. Like he just did it today, again! 

超少见的笑容 看似乐得像个小孩子一样人生就像走sky trek一样不能转回头 有些人不敢开始 有些人途中放弃 只有真正可以坚持下去的人 才能走到终点   
  虽然不漂亮 但是很少见到自己笑的自然 真正笑的照片 乐得像个傻孩子一样 😂😂😂 

Received the warmest message today from Dr Jaya. Asked me not to worry and should be no problem with my graduation. Im super anxious about my graduation to get the senate letter since the day I passed my viva. Couldnt really sleep well and non stop worrying for not having a paper publish will affect my senate letter approval.  
Finally today settled everything from my side. Thesis submission, long waited viva, correction of thesis, Jilid thesis, submitted all hard copy and now is to wait for the final step. Approval from senate and get the senate letter for graduation. And yes! By then im offically a master in medical science major in physiology!! Proud of myself.  This is the thesis full of happiness, tears, hardship, lies, worries, sadness, etc... Looking back for these years, i never regret choosing this path. I'm happy with it. I'm proud of myself. Never give up on my dream. Keep moving forward even when I fall. Just like the moving Finding Dory, there is always a way out. I think I always find myself a way out no matter what, if there is the things that I think is right to do. Please looking forward for my senate letter and most of all, my convocation 😜 I'm a happy girl today 

难过的心情有谁知道 开心不开心也要吞进肚子里 :( That day was freezing cold. My feet were in pain and I was too tired, not to mention my nose bleed and I was freaked out. Yet I have to keep walking on feet to get back to dorm without any help from anyone. And then I learned there is no one be there to help you even you are in tremendous pain & desperately need help. Do not rely on anyone, even your shadow will leave you in the dark. You just have to suck it up and keep going on!!
  
其实今天真的超难过 😭 你就像个笨蛋一样 一次又一次的伤害自己 够了 该停止了 不要再沉沦下去了 以前没有的时候 也不是过的好好的 答应自己别再让自己受伤害 人生还很美好的 

I had nothing left to lose. It's my world. It's my life. It's just me I and myself.

I told myself these since the first day I started my lone ranger journey. Story behind is just to tell myself to hold up and be strong. Since then kept telling myself that they dont know you and you dont know them, just go ahead and ask and talk to them, you had got nothing to lose anymore.