HeartfuleEdge

Super tired today but still working on my freelance as medical writer. Whenever comes to my passion, even I'm tired working, still I feel the satisfaction.
Many things keep me wondering these days (I knew that I always think a lot LOL), lotsa aspects, couldnt list down all of them.  

Life is tough because human are complicated. I must be able to cope it. The road taken is a tough path with uncountable of obstacles, challenges and testing trust and faith. Challenge my limit and boundary, if I cant handle well, I will collapse. The only thing that supporting me now, is me, I and myself. I must be able to protect myself and my baby. In this world, I can only rely on myself. Trust no one but yourself. Life is so short, I might die early, must be happier. No matter how you live your life, you will still die. Matter is how you wanna live it before you die. Be able to help yourself. 

 任我走 飄泊仿似一片舟任暖火 燃燒不了心裡秋
願我一雙手 會庇佑河山錦繡
這眼眸 能望透人間美醜

望眼山與水依舊 無盡的天高地厚
讓你走 未捨還是得放手
用我一輩子守候 來換取相約一晝
愛在囚 還未曾獲得自由

沒處走 只有孤單可永久
極暗中 尋找偷光的缺口
用每一雙手 拼貼城牆與金縷
雪在流 誰望見疾苦困憂

望眼山與水依舊 無盡的天高地厚
讓你走 未捨還是得放手
用我一輩子守候 來換取相約一晝
昨日仇 明日還未知盡頭

望眼山與水依舊 無盡的天高地厚
讓你走 夢中還是牽過手
用我一輩子守候 難道貪嗔太深厚

“一開始沒人看好這個決定

但是愛情是我們的 憑甚麼由你決定” 

Today i googled how to suicide pain free. All those websites are good to provide help for whoever clicked in. Suddenly think of the song 如果还有明天 i googled it. 

真的很蓝瘦 很香菇 很想放弃 大家都accused我 觉得自己很多余 如果今天没有我 大家一定很开心很幸福 放弃可能是一个解脱 很想离开 不顾一切 离开 放弃 心很酸 很痛 很蓝瘦 很香菇 

It is always easy for people to judge people. You are not them, how do you know what are they thinking bout? I have her to go back to sleep. She said you still can sleep well with snoring. I kept quite. She didnt know she is always judging by her own set of mindset. She never know that i jumped out from bed every night for multiple times. I couldnt sleep well. I was terrified. Feeling Suffocated. She think that she is the only one who get hurt. She didnt know that she hurt me deeper than she think i hurt her. Those curse, those unpleasant words, vulgar words that she used, never like what a m should said. I got no choice. I was born with it. When she is starting a conversation, i was scared and Every time i activated my shield and she said i was cold blooded, like an animal, selfish, bad woman etc on and on... i cant talk to her, i dont want to hurt her, i try to minimize my conversation with her. Now she even said that going over for home cooked food is cheap! She is been physho me for weeks. I feeling collapsed soon.  满肚子的心事 能向谁说去 is just me i & myself

Finally today came, the judgement day. Im praying super hard for us to get through this obstacles smoothly and successfully! Honestly my heart 忐忑不安 doesnt feel right doing anything at all. I wish all the best for you!! All the best to fight for what we really want in life. We define and decide our life (even different people with different view, they are worry how people gonna judge them and thats why people tend to make hard for you in order not to be hard on them). Like mentor said, who cares? They dont live your life. Just get over and move on! 
I pray hard...... 

Maybe is just me. I always make myself into a difficult situation. Why never let myself have easy life? Why would i always strike to do the best and yet not everyone appreciating my effort? Ohh well, i can only say you, phabo!! Stupid!! Silly!!! How hard is it to just concentrate on your job scope only and not always wanted to contribute more? How hard to just do whatever being assigned and get it done well as expected and walk away? Why would you want to make yourself having a miserable life no matter in any aspect of your life? Is it so hard to just live a simple and ordinary life? Please learn to mind your own business. Dont have to strike yourself in every aspect. No one gonna like too dedicated person. Please just let go. You dont have to be perfect! Let go yourself, forgive youself. Dont do anything extra! Dont feel guilty for being just doing enough.

他说 "你们就是希望我死了最好". 好巧, 他也这么想 "我死了大家比较开心, 反正多我一个不多 少一个不少" 

人总是要等事情发生后 才急着要补救 每个人也有可能是这一个category.