HeartfuleEdge

I confronted my supervisor today, at the end of the talk, he said: "You are a frustrated young scientist (with smile)"

and I told him, "i'm not frustrated lo (苦笑)"

he said, "you are a curious young scientist (another smile on his face)"

and he said, once his supervisor told him and his labmates when he was pursuing his phD, "all of you are charcoal, and i will throw all of you in the middle of sea from no where, those who can swim back, they will become diamond."


so i said, "sir, you are a diamond now." and he laugh so happily and admitted that.

He told me that, "is okay to be confused, i confused many times too."

Yesterday i saw a news bout a young man 16 years old developed a low cost and highly accurate test strip for pancreatic cancer marker at the early stage. After reading his story, he was inspired by family friends and started to look into those journals and study bout pancreatic cancer biomarker at the age of 13 only. Today, he invented something that can be commercialized and useful for the society especially for those who suffer from this disease.

Honestly, i admired him, i doubted myself if im really fit in this field and I'm so Lost, unhappy and emo. I started to ask myself that why i dont have that critical thinking, why i dont have that novel idea which can invent something to help people especially for those who cant afford expensive treatment, why am i still here in this stage, what am i doing in my current research, what im doing right now is it going to be something really useful for the field, why and so many why swim around my brain.

i'm real confused, from research to clinical trial is a long path, is not so easy to get there, definitely not in the near future and i realized that way before i decided to come into this field. But i want my vision to be clear, i wanna know why am i doing all those parameters with those objectives set, what im doing right now how does it contribute to the research world and to the society.

After a small talk with supervisor, i found myself again. I know i just have to suck it up and keep on doing it non-stop, until my dream realize one day. Im stepping in and im not gonna let go and lost to the reality out there. Is a dream that worth trying for, no is worth doing for. You can say that im dreamy, not facing reality, not doing something that is useful or beneficial, you can say whatever you want, you know, i just dont care a damn thing, i love my dream!!! Why do i have to be normal like other people? thats what make me different with my fancy or silly dream.

After all, im gonna be a great person like Albert Einstein~~ (although he is not in my field but he is my motivation)