HeartfuleEdge

It started again. Seems like I'm really trapped. I think I'm emotionally unstable. Traumatic life passed on to phobia life and turned traumatic again. Maybe my heart can strengthen due to daily phobia. I think I'm suffered from katsaridaphobia. Everyday sure got at least one awaiting at home to fear me. Dont know how long i can stand it. I seriously wanna get rid of it please. After today's incident, it makes me think a lot - negative things. 

I'm always harsh to myself in life. Maybe I'm really struggling to have my own business. To have an easier life with financially independent, so i can do whatever that i want to do. 

When you are younger, your family programmed you to believe what they think is successful and then when you grow up, the world portrait what they think is successful. Lets face it, if is not influenced by them, what do you think you want to do? There is an article and testing people on what they really want. A question is ask and make you think deeply: if the world have got no one, no one controlling you, no one say or think bout you, nothing, the world is belongs to you and what do you really want to do? 

I didnt managed to come to a conclusion for myself. There are too many things that i want, human are greedy, they always wanted more, my mind wonder around again - doing the thinking. How? Why? What should i do? 

After all these trauma and thinking, then probably wake up tomorrow and go back to the routine. What do I really want?

Not sure why I keep on crying, maybe deep down there is sad for unknown reasons. There must be something